Making Connections - How to create rapport with anyone in under 30 seconds
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We all know the
power of first
impressions. How people perceive us during the first few seconds of an
encounter has a major influence on whether they will trust us, be
us, or want to do business with us.
create a positive first impression, we need to know how to connect
with others regardless of their age, gender, ethnic background, mood,
Let’s begin by
“first impression awareness.” What
you think of the waiter in the following situation?
You’re having a business lunch with a
potential client. She’s
about what she doesn’t like about her current supplier. You’re
stuff is gold - please keep talking.” Suddenly, the waiter comes in and
his canned speech, “My name’s Mike, I’ll be your waiter. And
how are you today?
impression of the waiter would be negative. In fact, that waiter’s
speech is a great example of what not to
do when meeting someone for the
first time. Ironically,
he was probably
doing just what he was told to do.
don’t provide competent training for their employees on how to
mistake - as we see in the
waiter example. Instead,
given a script to read. Franchise
operations love scripts. They
this “systematic” approach to dealing with customers is their greatest
- which is true. It’s
with the canned
script approach is that the customer recognizes a script, senses that
employee has no genuine feeling or empathy with what the customer
and therefore does not trust (or in the case of our waiter even like)
use a thirty second technique that generates trust, feelings of
makes people want to do business with you.
Unfortunately, there’s been a lot of misleading
information out there
about this method. Let’s
get the real
story about how and why you can get such phenomenal results when you
use technique known as mirroring.
The Mirroring Technique
based on the
assumption that we tend to feel comfortable with people who communicate
non verbally the way we do. In other
words, we are
drawn to people when
their body language (gestures,
voice, facial expressions, eye contact, dress, and so on) is similar to
speeches. They have
as much appeal as
over-used pick-up lines in singles bars.”
By the same
token, we tend to
be “turned off “ by people who’s non verbal language is different than
ours. For example,
if you are engaged in
a quiet conversation with a friend at a party, you will probably
person whose loud, boisterous voice bellows in the background, as being
The great news
is we are in
control of our non verbal communication.
So to create rapport with others instantly, we merely need
their non-verbal communication. That
means if the other person talks softly, then you talk more
softy. If they lean forward, then
you lean forward.
If they talk quickly then you do the same.
In other words, you ‘mirror’ the other person’s tone of
voice and body
language. The only
exception is when
they are angry. In that situation, you wouldn’t mirror anger;
you’d instead mirror concern.
In the case of
our waiter, if
he’d been trained with the mirroring technique, he wouldn’t have
talking until his customers ceased their conversation and made eye
him. Then he would mirror the seriousness of the mood they conveyed,
opening canned speech, get directly to the point and ask something
“Something to drink?” In
this case his
customers would have appreciated the waiters businesslike approach and
good about their choice of restaurant.
There are a
few things to
keep in mind though when we use mirroring.
First, mirroring does not mean “mimicking.” So, if the other
sitting with arms
folded across their chest, you may
yours crossed on your lap. Don’t
the person exactly; just similarly. That prevents people from thinking
It may come as
a relief to
know that you don’t have to mirror the other person for longer then a
moments. Once they
with you, you can
actually start leading the
nonverbal communication, and
then they’ll start following you.
you have a friend who’s tired or listless you need to start the
a low slow manner. After
a few minutes,
you gradually pick up the tempo. Your friend will feel so comfortable
they’ll naturally do the same. This
great news particularly if you interact with lots of people.
and it works. When
you use it properly,
you’ll improve the impression you make on virtually anyone - regardless
their mood or the situation. You’ll
experience the personal satisfaction of making a stranger feel
when you begin
making truly important connections.
About the Author
and corporate trainer. His focus
is, “The Art of Client
Influence with Ease.”® For
self-study kits, and information about booking Jeff
or call 1-800-jmowatt
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Article Published/Sorted/Amended on Scopulus 2010-11-04 15:26:56 in Personal Articles